My winning query. That’s what I said I would share with you the next time after my  cover reveal of Painting Kuwait Violet. 

I used to be super scared of writing queries and during my initial years obsessively went over Chucks’s successful queries on Writer’s Digest. I even submitted my query to agentquery where I did have some wonderful basic feedback.

This was my old query.

Dear Mr X,

I am seeking representation for Painting Kuwait Violet. It’s multicultural, women’s fiction set in Kuwait, six years after the Gulf War. Its complete at 73,000 words.

When Sabah Dashti, the Kuwaiti matriarch welcomes her new Indian maid, Violet, she asks herself what the hell was she thinking? Violet is young, pretty and full of spunk. Can she tell her that nine of her previous maids are absconding? That five of them were found pregnant? Or that the police think she’s running a prostitution ring? And she is nowhere close to finding out the gawad whose responsible.

Violet has no choice. Drowning in debt and with few job prospects, she travels to the oil rich nation to find that money isn’t everything. Her colleagues are assaulted, thrown out of moving cars or performing ‘favors.’ Violet is desperate to escape. Despite their differences, both Sabah and Violet are hungry for success, together they build a thriving business. The only question is, will Violet escape and when the times comes will Sabah let her?

I’m an Indian, born and raised in Kuwait and know people who’ve worked in Kuwaiti homes. My writing credentials include a novella published by Indireads titled Seoulmates, several short stories in anthologies like ‘Story for my Valentine’ and ‘Quantum Fairy Tales.’Thank you for your time.

Regards,

Pamela Q Fernandes

It was during a #DVpit contest on twitter that Kaelan, an  Acquisitions editor with Multifarious press, was giving out free query critiques and I was one of the first five or ten to submit.

Within a day, she actually edited and polished my query. I submitted it to the #DVpit contest agents who liked my pitch.

Here’s the rewritten query:

Dear Ms. Sharon,

I’m querying you because you liked the following pitch on DVpit.

(#WF #DVpit Kuwait after Gulf War 1. Two women. an Indian maid & her divorced, Kuwaiti boss-woman have to stop a woman-hating, killer.)

PAINTING KUWAIT VIOLET is a mysterious, multicultural women’s fiction of 69,000 words. It is set in Kuwait, six years after the Gulf War, 1996.

Sabah Dashti, the Kuwaiti matriarch has a new maid. But can she tell pretty, spunky, Violet the truth? That nine of Sabah’s previous maids have absconded? That five of them were found pregnant? Or that the police think she’s running a prostitution ring? That Sabah has no idea who is responsible?

Even if Violet knew, she has no choice. Drowning in debt with few job prospects, she travels to oil-rich Kuwait to find that money isn’t everything. Her colleagues are assaulted, thrown from moving cars or performing ‘favors.’ Violet is desperate to escape because Sabah can’t be trusted. She’s a Kuwaiti woman with secrets.

Despite their difference, both Sabah and Violet are hungry for success as it will give them a chance to live life on their own terms. Together they build a thriving business. But a woman hating, killer has set eyes on them and will not let them succeed at any cost.

Readers of the book, Rooftops of Tehran may enjoy my book.

PAINTING KUWAIT VIOLET underlines the grim realities faced by Asian maids in Middle Eastern homes. It also highlights the plight of Kuwaiti women as they struggle within the traditional constraints of their conservative society. The social issues of polygamy, blood money, and abuse, all hushed up in the Middle East may appeal to the feminist audience, especially those who are aware of the differences between the freedoms enjoyed by western women compared to the injustices of their Middle Eastern sisters. Where even being able to finish school, or marry a husband of their choice is completely out of the question.

I am of Indian descent, born and raised in Kuwait and have heard firsthand accounts from maids working in these homes.

My previous publications are SEOULMATES, STORY FOR YOUR VALENTINE, WHERE IS ALLY & LETTERS FROM BIDBID. Two of my novellas, CINDERS OF CASTLEREA AND UNDER A SCOTTISH SKY are due to be released this year.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Regards,

Pamela Fernandes

 

This query was so successful that I had four agents ask for material,  Sharon Pelletier, Danielle Burby, Michelle Brower and Carrie Prestritto. In the end, Carrie offered me a ton of advice on how to make the book better and invited me to resubmit. The nature of the book was such that it didn’t fit her booklist and so I had to start querying again.

But I didn’t change the core of the query. The manuscript went through changes. I even submitted it to a “Are you hooked?” competition of Miss Snark where I had my first page critiqued.

With minor changes to the query I started querying again and this time found a home for my book with Solstice Publishing.

Here’s my winning query:

Dear Ms. Kate,

PAINTING KUWAIT VIOLET is a mysterious, multicultural women’s fiction of 69,000 words. It is set in Kuwait, six years after the Gulf War, 1996.

Sabah Dashti, the Kuwaiti matriarch has a new maid. But can she tell pretty, spunky, Violet the truth? That nine of Sabah’s previous maids have absconded? That five of them were found pregnant? Or that the police think she’s running a prostitution ring? That Sabah has no idea who is responsible?

Even if Violet knew, she has no choice. Drowning in debt with few job prospects, she travels to oil-rich Kuwait to find that money isn’t everything. Her colleagues are assaulted, thrown from moving cars or performing ‘favors.’ Violet is desperate to escape because Sabah can’t be trusted. She’s a Kuwaiti woman with secrets.

Despite their difference, both Sabah and Violet are hungry for success as it will give them a chance to live life on their own terms. Together they build a thriving business. But a woman hating, killer has set eyes on them and will not let them succeed at any cost.

Readers of the book, Rooftops of Tehran may enjoy my book. I was born and raised in Kuwait and have heard firsthand accounts from maids working in these homes. I’d be happy to edit it to suit readers at Solstice Publishing.

My previous publications are SEOULMATES, STORY FOR YOUR VALENTINE, WHERE IS ALLY & LETTERS FROM BIDBID. Two of my novellas, CINDERS OF CASTLEREA (by Solstice Publishing) AND UNDER A SCOTTISH SKY were released this year.
Thank you for your time and consideration.

Cheers,

Pamela Fernandes

If you think that was a short time, think again. Its been eight years since I started actively querying Painting Kuwait Violet.  If you notice the first query is pretty bare bones and straight, like how I write most of my queries. Kaelan’s is very detailed and the winning one is somewhere between the two.

Query writing is a tight balance. As more stories of mine get accepted, I find that the simplest and more enticing ones do generate more interest.

Also I’ve also given up the idea of personalizing the queries too much and keeping much of the focus on the book itself. Not on me or the agent, but the book and its readers.

If you’re querying, I suggest you get to these query sites and read people’s queries. I still go over the successful queries of other authors and save the ones I like. So when my query season comes I already have a box load of ideas.

Also query often. I query and pitch short stories everyday, so now I’m not as scared of sending them out.

Which of my queries would you have preferred?