Prayer makes us tender to God and if we’re tender to God, then we can be tender to our spouse in marriage.
Tricia Goyer
WHO IS TRICIA GOYER?
Tricia Goyer is a speaker, podcast host, and USA Today bestselling author of over 80 books. Tricia writes in numerous genres including fiction, parenting, marriage, and books for children and teens. She’s a wife, homeschooling mom of ten, and she loves to mentor writers through WriteThatBook.Club. Tricia lives near Little Rock, AR.
Praying For Your Future Spouse
In this episode, Tricia Goyer talks about praying for your future spouse. She explains:
-Why is it so important to pray for our future spouses?
-How to pray for our future spouses?
-What would you say to people who have been waiting a long time?
-What can we do to prepare?
Prayer is Key
Last year I read a whole bunch of books about praying for your future spouse. I’m not sure why but the Lord lead me to read them and start praying for this other person. I read Tricia and Robin’s book Praying for Your Future Husband.
I loved the book and reached out to the authors if they would be interested in talking about it. Tricia was kind enough to say yes but life happened and we couldn’t record last year. I remember feeling so disappointed and saying God you help me out here. I went ahead and recorded my other episodes all in one month in what felt like a bumper season. Yet, I was wondering why things unfolded the way they did.
In December, during my prayer time for planning his podcast, again the Lord brought this topic up for Feb. And I said, Lord, where am I going to find someone to talk about this. He reminded me about Tricia.
I was very hesitant as I wrote to Tricia and asked her about recording again In February. In a span of five days, she said yes, we had a date and this episode was ready right in time for Valentine’s day.
As I write this, the episode has already been played and reposted more than a dozen times. When I look back, I realize God had a time. A specific, appointed time for this episode and for this topic. Just like He has for everything in our life.
I love how Tricia talks about how God will bring the right person at the right time in our life. If you’re waiting and losing hope, then ask God to send you His encouragement.
Tricia’s Tips for this Valentine’s Day
I guess each person will receive their own rhema from this episode. Here’s what I understood from Tricia’s conversation.
-Prepare your own heart to be tender to God
-Do what God is asking you to do
-Pray for that other person that God may guide all their decisions
-Pray with Scripture (so powerful)
-Bring all your temptations to God. Recognize them and turn away from them
-Understand that God loves you more than anyone else can. He does what He does because He loves you.
-God has only good plans for you.
-Waiting is hard but there’s a reason for the wait.
-Live your best life while you wait making the best of each day with God.
I’m truly grateful to Tricia for sharing all her wisdom with us this week and for all the people in her walk with God. This Valentine’s day, if there’s one thing I hope to convey to you single people is that God loves you more than anyone else can. YOU ARE LOVED!
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Episode Transcript
Pamela: So, welcome to a new episode of the “Christian Circle” podcast. And today we have Tricia Goyer, who’s gonna talk to us about praying for our future spouses. Now she’s the author of about 25 books and more. So Tricia, tell us a little bit about yourself in your ministry.
Tricia: Yeah. I live in Little Rock, Arkansas with my husband. We’ve been married 31 years now and we have 10 children. We have three biological children and then we’ve adopted seven children. And out of those seven children that we adopted, six of them are girls. And so we have lots of teenage girls around our house. So I love sharing prayer and sharing about praying for their future husbands. I write fiction, I write non-fiction. I blog, I have a podcast called The “Tricia Goyer Show,” so I just love encouraging people, inspiring them, and pointing them to God.
Pamela: So, one of the books that you wrote was, “Praying for Your Future Husband: Preparing Your Heart for His”, and since Valentine’s is around the corner, it’s such an important time where people are either looking for spouses or they’re preparing for marriage or something of that sort.
So, why is it so important to actually prepare for your future spouse?
Tricia: You know, I think so many times we always are looking for who we want and who we think would fulfill the things that we are looking for. Often I know as a little girl, I would have a list. I want him to have this type of job and look this certain way. And I think so many times we’re so busy looking at who we are interested in or the type of person that we’re interested in, that we forget that we need to take time to prepare our hearts.
And for me, I did everything wrong when I was looking for my future spouse. I was in high school and I was looking at the star football player and all the very handsome guys. And that led me down some very wrong paths. I was looking more at the outward appearance. I was looking at the really flirty guys, and then I found myself pregnant at 17. My boyfriend broke up with me right after I found out I was pregnant and I was so alone.
And it was in that time of being alone and feeling lonely. And I had walked away from church and God that I started looking at myself, instead of what do I want in a future spouse? Because I had picked the wrong thing for sure. I started considering the type of person I needed to be. And I prayed that God would give me someone to love me and love my son.
Really, instead of making that list in my mind, I started thinking of who can I be? And I started reading my Bible. I started praying. So here I am even pregnant, you know, which is, I don’t think very attractive to a future spouse, but I just prayed that if the time was right, as I prepared myself, God would bring the right person. And I’m so thankful that I did.
Not too long after I had my son, I ended up dating the pastor’s son. And the interesting thing is years before he had told his mom, like, “Who is that?” You know, because I went to church occasionally and he had said, “Who is that?” And he thought I was pretty. And his mom had told him, stay away from Tricia. She is trouble. She is bad news. Because she’s saw the way I was just like, not serving God and doing my own thing.
But after I rededicated my life to God and wanted to do things His way and started reading the Bible and praying, when he asked and I even had a baby by this point, he asked his mom like, “What do you think if I asked Tricia out?” And she said, “Yes.” And so that just shows, you know kind of the changes that were happening inside me were very noticeable from people on the outside. I had a total different outlook on life. I had a total different outlook on my relationship with God and really it was those inward changes and preparing myself inwardly that actually got the interest of the type of guy that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Pamela: So on the one hand preparation is important, but on the other hand, it’s also important to pray for that other person, right?
Why is it important to pray for that other person as well, even before you probably met them?
Tricia: Yeah, and I, I think that’s the fun and exciting part, it’s to realize like that person is out there, going through life right now. And I talk about this with my teenage girls all the time, you know, he might be really struggling in school right now, he might be struggling with friendships, he might be having a different home situation. And so we can start praying for that person. I mean, they might not even, or anyone might not even meet their future spouse for 2 years, 5 years, 10 years from now. But to know that we’re praying for them, we’re helping them make good decisions or, you know, praying that they will make good decisions that God will help them make good decisions. It is just upholding someone and in their walk with God, even before we know them.
And we, Robin and I, when we were working on this book, we talked to a lot of people and there were so many times when someone would say that they would have a journal, they would be writing prayers for their future husband. They would just feel God calling them to pray for certain things. And they would date it.
Years later when they met their future husband, there’s one story when someone was in this relationship and he just felt like God, so clearly telling him to break up with that person that she was not leading him down the right path. It was an unhealthy relationship and he ended up breaking it off with this old, you know, this old girlfriend.
Looking back after he met and married his wife at her journals, he realized it was during that time that she had been sincerely praying for him and praying that God would be with him, protect him and give him wisdom. And so, you know, sometimes we think about, like, who we will be in the future when we meet that person. But even now that person is out there, they’re facing struggles, they’re facing challenges, they’re facing hardships and our prayers can, you know, sustain them and help them maybe draw closer to God even before we meet them.
Pamela: And I encourage everybody to go and read this book where Tricia and Robin wrote because it has so many beautiful testimonies of, you know, the people who have prayed and who have found success by relying on God, by trusting on God. So all of these people, I know you mentioned so many things to do in your book, but how does someone actually go about praying for their future spouse?
What are the steps that they should take or they can start taking?
Tricia: Yeah. So I think first of all, just remember that prayer is just kind of this, my friend Robin, she says it’s an extraordinary mystery. So the, you know, the amazing thing is that we can go before the God of the universe with our needs.
And so I think first, even before we pray for a specific thing, like praying for our future husband, just getting our hearts right with God and remembering that we could talk to him about everything. Like we could talk to him about disappointments, we could talk to Him about frustrations. We could ask Him to give us peace.
I have a friend, Michelle and she’s in her 40s. And she’s like, sometimes I just feel like my prayers are so many complaints, but she says afterwards, when I’m able to talk to God and really share what’s on my heart, then I have his peace that He has everything under control and I can trust Him and that He’s there and He cares about me, He hasn’t forgotten me.
So I think the first, even before we pray for specific things, just know that we can go to God about everything and He’s there and He loves us and He cares for us and we don’t have to say the right word.
So we don’t have to say them in the right order.
And then, you know, we do have different things you could pray for in the book, but really even going through scripture and saying, you know, maybe coming, you came upon, you know, Proverbs 3:5-6 that says trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean that on your own understanding in all your ways, acknowledge him.
Just going from reading that scripture saying, “Lord, will you help me to trust you as I wait for my future husband, will you help me not to lean on my own understanding? Will you, you know, help me to acknowledge you and your path and not my own way.” So, a lot of it can go back to praying for patience or understanding or trust, and we could pray specific things for that person. We could pray for ourselves as we’re waiting as we’re, you know, wondering why isn’t this happening. Everyone else is getting married. Everyone else is finding their spouses.
But it also comes down to, you know, whatever scripture we come upon, just, we could take those words in God’s word and pray them and saying, you know, as David’s saying, “I am in the lowly pit right now,” you know, or whatever it is, just say, “God, I feel like I’m in that pit. Will you give me some hope and give me some light?” And so I think just remembering that it’s open communication with God, we don’t have to like say certain words.
We don’t have to recite certain things in certain ways, but He is there. He is listening. One of my favorite scriptures is Zephaniah 3:17 and it talks about the Lord our God is mighty to save and it talks about Him singing over us. And whenever I just start getting frantic, like, “Oh my goodness, I’m never gonna have this prayer answered.” Just remember almost like a daddy’s lullaby. Like God is singing over us. He just wants us to trust Him and have peace. And that’s hard, it’s easier said than done. But you know, I find that when we’re able to go to God, that He can give us peace, even in the middle of our questions and our worries and all our concerns.
Pamela: Oh, what would you say to people who have been waiting a very long time, you know, you often come across people in ministry, you come across people when you are speaking and they’re saying, “Okay, I’ve been praying. I’ve been doing everything right. Why am I being made to wait?”
What would you say to them during this time when they’re feeling frustrated about this?
Tricia: Yeah. I mean, that is one of the hardest things and I have the most amazing friends and I don’t understand it. I don’t understand why they’re waiting. I’m like, you are amazing. You love God, you are kind. And, you know, I mean, you see these people and you wonder why they are waiting.
I have a son right now who’s 27 years old. He’s the most amazing kid. And he’s never had a serious relationship. And I’m like, I don’t understand at all. So it is hard to understand sometimes, but I do know that God always uses our waiting for a purpose. We see over and over in the Bible, you know, He’ll give promises or He’ll, you know, have things that, you know, that is in the future, but sometimes He makes people wait, so why did He, you know, have Abraham wait, you know, decades to have a son when he promised Him a son, like, why can’t it be like nine months later he had a son or, Zechariah and Elizabeth, you know, she couldn’t have children.
There’s so many times when people are, are waiting and praying and it really just comes back down to trust. And it’s the hardest thing. It is hardest thing to trust, but just trust that the waiting is for a purpose, that the waiting is part of God’s plan, that the waiting, you know, that sometimes we’ll be able to see why the waiting was necessary.
And sometimes we may never truly know why it was necessary, but we can trust. And the thing I always come down to is, you know, God of this universe loves me more than anybody. He has good plans for me. And if He is not allowing something that I desperately want, that is a heart desire, then He’s doing it out of love and He’s doing it out of His plan for me.
One of the ladies that we interviewed in this book, she didn’t find her future husband until she was in her early 50s. She talks about it was so hard all those years, everyone’s getting married and she just chose to, you know, live life to the fullest. And she started a singles group and they would just go skiing and they would go hiking. She built these wonderful friendships and it was later many years later through that group that she ended up finding her future husband.
And she thought, you know, if I would’ve just stayed at home and just worried about it, I never would’ve met him, but it was in her singleness, in her desire for building friendships and building relationships, she just organized all these people and brought them together from all ages to do things together. That really, really impacted her life. And so, you know, I don’t know why God answers some prayers quickly and some prayers slowly, but I think it does just go down to trust, that He loves us completely and He has good plans for us. And, that in the right time and in the right place, the right person, we’ll be there, if that is part of His plan.
Pamela: There are many parts of the book which say, you know, “We have to prepare, we have to prepare.” What can we actually do to prepare? Because a lot of people keep saying, you know, “You have to prepare your heart. You have to prepare your home, your finances, and everything,” but
what can we actually do to prepare?
Tricia: Yeah. And I think one of the things that we do to prepare is to see God in every day and see what He’s doing in our lives. So it really comes down to preparing our hearts to be quick to listen to God’s voice. For me, when I’m sitting there and I’m reading a scripture verse, and I just feel that little nudge, like maybe you need to reach out to that person, or maybe you need to, you know, spend some more time and praying for this, or maybe you need to apologize for something you did.
I think preparation, when it comes down to everything, is preparing our heart to be tender to God, and then as we prepare our hearts to be tender to God and to be patient and all these things, that prepares us for marriage. Because suddenly if you are married, you know, you find that person and you get married, having your heart just tender to God will help you in your relationship. And it’ll also help you have your heart tender to another person.
And so I think really that preparation when we are sitting before God, when we’re listening, not just saying the words, when we’re doing the things that He asks us to do, and I’ve had times before, like, “How come you’re not giving me this or not? How come you’re not allowing that thing to happen?” He’s like, “Did you do the last thing I asked you to do?” And I’m like, “No,” you know, I always feel like, okay, I need to have my heart tender to listen to God’s voice, to do the things I feel him asking me to do, even if it’s stepping out of my comfort zone. And that is a preparation for marriage because, you know, in marriage, there’s two people, there’s different desires, there’s different goals, but when we’re tender to God and to other people that really will make our marriage stronger.
Pamela: One last question is, for people struggling with temptations, you know, while they’re going through this waiting period or even while during courtship.
How do they deal with these temptations? And this could be for a guy, this could be for a girl, for anybody.
Tricia: Yeah. And I think temptations are all around us, you know, there’s temptations to watch things that we shouldn’t be watching. To listen to things that we shouldn’t be listening to. For me sometimes, to eat something, because it looks good, even though I’m not hungry. There are so many temptations and I love that scripture verse that there is no temptation that man faces except God gives us a way of escape. And for me, even after I got married, one of the temptation was, and every time things would get hard in my marriage, one temptation was, “Oh, but when I dated this boy, he was so romantic,” or whether, you know, to think about other things other than my husband or that movie, “That guy’s so romantic, I wish my husband was more than that.” That was a temptation for me.
And I love the scripture verse where it talks about, take every thought captive for Christ. In the moment, whenever my mind would start to wander a certain direction, I would just stop, and like, you know what? I know where you’re going. I know those thoughts are not gonna be healthy for me.
They’re not gonna lead me in good directions. They’re not gonna give me peace, they’re gonna make me, be drawn to things that I shouldn’t be drawn to and I would just immediately stop. And it is hard to capture our thoughts, but we can do it with God’s help.
The one thing I love and I just really wanna encourage, whenever we feel like we can’t do it, we can’t wait, we can’t be patient, when we can’t resist whatever temptation it is, that we can turn to God. He says, you know, “In your weakness, my strength is complete.” So all the places that I’m weak, where I can be easily tempted, I can ask God to be there for me and to make me strong and to help my mind not to wander, help me not to make bad choices.
I think that the first step is, you know, to stop the thought, wherever it’s leading us, whether it’s leading us to maybe unhealthy people or unhealthy situations or unhealthy media, stop it and then say, “God, this is what I’m feeling drawn to right now.
I know that’s not healthy for me, and can you give me strength?” And, I think, you know, the first stop capturing our thoughts and then asking God for strength can really help us in all our temptations.
You know, and the truth is we’re gonna face temptations our whole life. Like it doesn’t matter how many years we’ve been married, how many kids we have, there’s always temptations to do things differently and to try to satisfy ourselves, you know, that’s what the food and the media and all those things are, is trying to satisfy ourselves. So the more that we can just turn to God for soul satisfaction.
One of the things that I’ve just found such joy over the years is having that time in the morning. And you know, we still have five kids at home. I have my husband, my grandma lives with me. There’s so many things to do during the day, but I try to get up before everybody and having that time to read my Bible, to pray, to read, you know, biographies of Christian leaders and missionaries and all those things. It just encourages me. And when I set my mind on the right things early in the morning, that it helps a lot not battle temptation because I’m getting my soul satisfied with God. I’m getting filled up with Him in the morning. I’m getting settled in peace.
And so it’s almost like, you know, when you go out to this fine meal and your stomach is satisfied and your taste buds are satisfied. Like, if someone offers you a McDonald’s hamburger and fries, like an hour later, it’s not even interesting at all. Like, it’s like, “I don’t even care about that, no way.” And so when we do fill our soul up and are satisfied in God, first thing in the day, and sometimes it’s just laying there for five minutes before we climb out of bed and just praying and turning our thoughts to Him, the more we can get our soul satisfied, then we won’t be looking for other things and we won’t be facing temptation as much. I mean, we always will be, but it won’t be as tempting because we will be filled up with the goodness of God.
Pamela: Well, that’s great.
And do you have any last tips or advice because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner for all the singles, for all those preparing for marriage, for all those courting?
Tricia: Yeah, I would say, you know, for me and we don’t even see it, okay, this is a big day, we have to think about love and either can make us excited if we have someone in our life or, make us depressed if we don’t have someone in our lives, but just realize like every day can be a day that we draw closer to God and we can turn our hearts and our affections over to Him. You know, there’ll be all the reminders on Valentine’s Day about love, but I think each day when we can focus on God’s love for us, it can make every day better.
Pamela: Okay. So where can people find you online Tricia?
Tricia: Yeah, my website is just triciagoyer.com and Tricia is T-R-I-C-I-A and Goyer is G-O-Y-E-R.com. And then on Instagram and Facebook, I’m just Tricia Goyer. So if you put my name in I’m there too, and I love connecting with people. So if anyone’s listening and just wants to message me, I’m always open to that too.
Pamela: Okay. So thank you so much for joining us, you know, on this podcast and for talking to us about this subject, especially mid-session of short notice. So thank you so much, Tricia.
Tricia: Thank you so much for having me.